bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
