That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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