I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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