Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
