So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
