I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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