please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
