It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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