everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
