Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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