I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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