i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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