Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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