we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
