hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
