It's Friday. Sex?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
