I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
