I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
