At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
