I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
