Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
