She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
