i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
