mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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