I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
