we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
