I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
