I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
