how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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