I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
