woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
