hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
