I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
