it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
