Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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