This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
