TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
