It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
