They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
