im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
