You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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