Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
pray to the hookup gods
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
