Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
