Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
do herpes really smell.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
