I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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