May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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