piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
50% drunk capacity currently
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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