I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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