I heard we made out
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he puts the penis in happiness.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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