you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
