Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
