I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
