OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
