the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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